I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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