Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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