Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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