if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I could fuck to npr.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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