fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
