Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
