So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
