I have demons in me.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
