I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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