She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
