i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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