i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
