Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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