with your own penis?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
