Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
