defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
