this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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