That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
