dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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