You're completely useless in the revolution.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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