there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
