i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
