im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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