You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
