I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Panties = found
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
