I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
