I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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