I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
