How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
