She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
