need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
