Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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