he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
