i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
