Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
