Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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