what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
