New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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