the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
