I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
