But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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