Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
