Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
