The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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