note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
