no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
