Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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