At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
