He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
