So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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