He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
