would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
