what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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