Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
