My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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