i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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