the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
