So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
