so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
