I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
