you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
