oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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