Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
