Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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