I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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