please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
