There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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