That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
