What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
