even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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