I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
