How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
