When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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