Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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