Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Green mimosas i think yes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
